We were here first

How my need for harmony was met living in someone else’s backyard...

So I wanted to share some insights as a person who’s been here (in Dresden) too long but might actually begin to like it. I would like to thank Fatema for all she does for the international community in Dresden. All these great fun events for us international folk. It’s like the most perfect thing to do in a place (Dresden) that kinda feels a little fremd or strange at times.

So I'm going to talk about Germany in relation to Dresden. As a part of InterLokal the values are things like all-inclusive, respect for different cultures and beliefs, and community. However, we don’t always experience it in the real world around us.

My AOK Story

We've all got one. I had this call with the AOK recently, I thought I would start it there. So AOK is a (one of many) health insurance company. I called them about something because the branch was closed. Typically, she asked me what I required, so I told her. She cross-checked it, my name and address, it’s a pretty normal procedure. I informed her of my new situation. She asked me a couple of direct questions, her voice getting louder. She said I had to wait 4–6 weeks for a letter. I said that should be about now. She couldn’t agree nor disagree. Then she told me in a discerning tone to go into the branch instead of calling her! I said they closed up for the day, and I wanted to phone instead. She replied that I must go into the branch. So by that point, the direct and cold tone was enough for me, as much my style of conversing was for her. But, I wished her; ‘noch einen scheonen Tag!’ ‘Und vielen dank fuer die Infos.’ Her tone went softer, like at the start of the call. When it ended, I felt annoyed about it but laughed. I laughed instead of sighing and cursing and thought; ‘if only I was back home’. Because back home, you get the lively small talk, usually about the weather. The genuine openness and willingness to help, and the curiosity about you, the caller. I kinda miss that.

On this other occasion, I asked my (German) boss (in Berlin) a weird question. I asked her; 'how her holiday was', since she just got back from vacation. There was this long erry pause which kinda felt embarrassing, like, whoops! You don’t ask that to your new boss, do you? I should have said; ‘I hope your holiday was nice.’ What do you think?

I mean, where I’m from in Australia is kinda like the ‘Shire’ out of the Lord of the Rings movie. We even have loads of Bilbo Baggins and folk who like to connect and be communal, and tribal with each other. Perhaps, you’ll find shades of it here in the thousands of villages that make up this 357,000 sq kilometer and cramped 84.5 million populated (Germany) country. (Australia has almost 8.2 million square kilometers. A population-25 million)

However, I can’t seem to find that kind of village (Shire) feeling where everybody is open and caring. I say it is never impossible, miracles do/can happen and places like here at InterLokal pop up. When here in Dresden, I kinda say I’m not from Germany. I just act in part German and in secretly, Aussie. I think, they kinda understand. Till now, because my German is now much better, my line was while making (these official) phone calls;

‘Bitte Entschuldigen Sie mich wie mein Deutsch nicht perfect ist’. Anybody got a line like that in German?

So back to us, and our story being international in a place like Dresden. Can anyone truly understand us, some of our dilemmas about living here? And how it’s so different from where we come from? Some of you simply love being here and see only the merits. That’s so fantastic, such a good example.

I remember having this friend from Syria, a long time ago. He spoke English well, but he spoke impeccably good German. I was so surprised about it. I remember one thing he told me; 'I prefer to speak German'. He so wanted to integrate. I guess he saw a much better opportunity being here.

Then I met people who were born in other countries and now live here who don’t embrace the German (host) culture well. I know that well. When I first came here, I spoke next to no German, except ‘Aufwiedersehen’ which nobody said when farewelling me anyway. I also couldn’t find a smiley face anywhere. I kept telling myself this would change. Almost nobody wanted to speak in English with me here back then. I kept getting told; “I only speak a little English, sorry“ “But you should really learn German!” Yeah, I was aware of that, but I had no idea at the beginning of my life here.

I came here for love, and I thought in Germany people liked to speak English. I had met many German tourists around the world who spoke very good and clear English. When I arrived in Dresden my then (German) partner kept asking her friends if they could speak English. Kinda like; 'help, I brought this (hairy) guy from the Australian bush to (old school or classical) Germany.' Yes, I thought everything here at the beginning looked very old or historical like I was living in a museum!

So, German, the language. If it were Berlin, I would be fine just getting by in English. What I see today around the Neustadt is more English being spoken. Like at InterLokal where micro- bubbles of expats who prefer English can exist. Kinda like what the Spanish, Portuguese, Vietnamese, and Turkish all do. Do you think that’s alright to just embrace those you’re familiar and comfortable with? And only speak your language(s)? That’s the funny thing about co-existing in one big place, yet, being from different countries and cultures. There’s the host, who knows the most, and theres us, guests, visitors, or newly residents. I mean, I can only speak from my own experience. I’m sure that someone’s views are always going to be different from mine. Germans can be described as many things. It’s easy as a guest to balk at our hosts. The hosts definitely can do the same. Though, many do have a lot of curiosity about me and where I’m from. If you spend only time in this (Neustadt) area. Or are involved/studying at the TU, you’re likely to encounter a more open, tolerant, and younger (German) host.

But, there’s no rule to this with the hosts. I’ve met some very sweet and kind older men in their 60s from the lower Lausitz outside Dresden. Then met some jerk in their 30s living in the Neustadt.

Things I could describe about Germans are; punctuality, orderly matters, bureaucracy, details and plans. Yes, older German people (also the younger ones with families) like to plan out their holidays over 6 months well in advance. And the rest of their summer weekends around the same way. They write and mark in their calendars all the plans for the year ahead!

There’s definitely an order of hard work if I may add that.

Breakfast time is the most important, sacred thing on a Sunday morning for Germans. They call it to eat like a Kaiser (emperor). In case you’re wondering why there are lines outside the bakery’s on Sunday morning? It’s because the fresh ‘Brötchens’ are sac-religious for the German folk. Along with a cooked egg, different cheese spreads, and Gurke (cucumber) etc.

Of course, along with this hard work ethic and attention to detail is the precision and perfectionism. This makes the German character so unique. If something is made in Germany, it’s generally top-notch, or high quality. In saying that, the style or how things are done here has its err of perfectionism as well. Tradition is so essential, whether it’s public holidays, or when the weather gets warmer and sunny in early spring. Germans are so quick to get out of their flats and fill up the parks. I like April for this, sometimes you see the park here full on a 20+ degree day. Then the following day it’s empty with cold and rain and only 7 degrees. But, even then it’s never empty. Only Germans say this the same as the Swedish people do;

There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing

The Germans are quite brave and tough people. Please don’t get that confused with hard. Or what they decided to buy when the first lock-down started in 2020. Do you all know which item sold out most in the supermarkets back then in Germany? And which things in France also sold out, or well?

Alright, so there’s my little character analysis over. Next, is what I have learned in order to meet my need for harmony. It was difficult for me at first here 11 years ago to adapt. As I not only carried the myth or misconception that everyone spoke English (my mother would say they should have, even if she never had learned German) but that I wasn’t here first! I was a guest, in someone else’s land, or very huge house. The ‘I was here first’ syndrome is pretty much accustomed to every host in the host country, town and village, street, household (our parents do it) bars and even table tennis tables. It’s maybe our instinctual way of being territorial and claiming what’s either been won, earned, fought hard for, or passed down on.

Believe me, hard work or to earn something is without saying a big and difficult topic here for Germans. Have you learned or know Germany’s history? Well, apart from one part which involved a charismatic homicidal dictator who started WWII and whose birthday is (20.04) tomorrow. Hard work and suffering and humiliation, divide, and mass control are only some things endured by German people. So I do see the (German) people taking pride in some minor things here. Whether going to the Bakery on a Sunday. Or in small gestures like opening the doors in shops for others. To saying; ‘Guten Tag’ in the doctors’ surgery waiting rooms, or shaking hands whenever they meet. Germans do have some pride, which is important to them. Do you know any other traits local German’s have that I’ve missed? Like drinking alcohol outside in front of these ‘Spaetshops’? Somebody calls out saying that; 'wearing socks with their sandals' is very German. One is their final sovereignty and right to freely exist, which has jeopardized them many times before.

Germans have fought hard and lost a few great wars. Lost good souls, and suffered. Every brick and every stone here has been moved countless times and tells a big story. So if you’re lucky enough to speak and know some German. Then you can listen to those interesting stories as well. In the end, the Earth keeps spinning around. The streets keep getting swept. And the sun will continue to rise. And all that we have left is our stories to tell. Mine was, or is right now, that I made it somehow work out here. By staying curious or allowing myself to be a little like they are. In order to find me and myself here again, and respect them...Dankeschoen:)

Written by Chad Butler

Presented on 19.04.2024 at InterLokal Connect event